Just plain rude is what it is. I post pictures of my new living room, let the compliments roll in one after another, and then….
Radio silence.
Tsk tsk tsk. I tsk myself. It is time to set this to rights. Join me in the hot tub time machine (I call the spot next to John Cusack) and travel back to Memorial day weekend with me, because here’s what’s (been) happening since my last post:
Bratfest. Not everyone can be part of setting a world record. Sure, there’s Michael Johnson, Michael Phelps, and this guy, but how hard can those “records” really be to break, assuming you stretch first? I mean, I haven’t done it, but I’ve been kind of busy in the garden.
Needless to say, there was no stretching involved in Josh’s impressive consumption of brats (5), which, when added to the hard work of other Brat Fest attendees, led to a new world record of 209,376 bratwurst consumed at one festival. (I did not eat any brats, and I apologize for that.)
Here is Josh working on brat #3. I am so proud.

In honor of our city’s wurst achievement (sorry but at least I waited this long), we went for a post-brat drive and recorded this exciting moment in our 95 Volvo’s history:

A big day. A very big day. If you don’t have a car with 200,000 miles on it, I say to you: weak! You and your fancy “motorcar” with its elaborate “air conditioning” and conspicuous absence of rust best get out of the way of my armored horseless buggy.
If that wasn’t exciting enough, the next weekend we decided to go camping. We picked the very rainiest weekend we could find, to make things extra challenging, but despite our best efforts, we stayed mostly dry, had a nice roaring fire, and ate too many s’mores. I don’t know about you, but to me camping is just a reason to eat s’mores and read in peace. It’s a way to escape the internets and the never-ending Real Housewives of New York reunions which I can no more turn off than I can stop the world from turning. For just those couple of days when you are in the wilderness with nothing but the sight of a bear mauling the occupants of a neighboring campsite to entertain you, you can really sit down and think about what matters. And what matters is getting the marshmallow hot enough inside, without actually charring it too much on the outside, so that the little rectangle of Hershey’s melts into blissful goo on the graham cracker.

This is our fine tent. For those of you reading this blog who are getting married soon (I know of at least three of you), take it from this newlywed of almost 2 years and register for camping supplies. Though I obviously love all of my wedding gifts equally (except for the roomba. I love the roomba more because it is a person), a camping trip with all the right stuff is a bit more fun than dusting crystal. And when I say “the right stuff” I don’t mean the expensive North Face tent suitable for use on Everest. I mean a easy-to-set-up tent, a big sturdy tarp, supercozy sleeping bags that zip together, and (very important) an inflatable mattress. Sleeping on the ground is for chumps and the very inebriated.
Also be sure to pack lots of books but not scary books or books where people have to eat other people for survival, and a good pair of hiking shoes. That way you can follow my excellent camping schedule of reading when it is sunny and dry and hiking when it is stormy and wet. Hrm.
Last weekend we dialed it down a notch, heading up to the farmer’s market and scoring this enormous haul

(PS: this is less than $15 of food so can we stop accusing sustainable food of being expensive please?) before heading to the Madison Mallards baseball game. Which we won.
And now, because I love you, the readers, and also because I feel extremely guilty about not blogging for so long, I present this Extremely Unflattering Photograph of myself accosting a helpless Mallard after the game (which we won). Just after this photo was snapped I was politely asked to leave the Duck Pond and never come back. Okay, that part is not true. But if they’d seen this Extremely Unflattering Photo then it would have been.

The point is we won. Can we all just focus on that please?