How to make broccoli


Here is how to make broccoli, fast, in a way that tastes delicious. The mother of my child taught me. You will want to do this, because broccoli is very good for you. Using this method, you can easily, quickly, and cheaply cook broccoli and eat it as a side dish with your lunch or dinner. Or breakfast; I don’t care. Anyway, do it.

  1. Buy a bag of frozen broccoli. Get this right. The other week, I made the mistake of buying an off-brand, and I got mostly stems and few florets. Maybe it doesn’t matter to you; it matters to my one-year-old, who LOVES BROCCOLI.
  2. Put some of the frozen broccoli in a microwavable container. If you are feeding the broccoli to a child, use a BPA-free container. If you are old like me, IT’S TOO LATE FOR YOU, so Gladware or whatever is fine.
  3. Drizzle the broccoli with olive oil and sprinkle it with salt. I wouldn’t say be liberal with either, but don’t be stingy exactly either. Remember that if you add too little, you can always add more; but if you add too much, you’re screwed.
  4. Put the lid on the container and shake it up to disseminate the olive oil and salt. What, you didn’t know you needed a container with a lid? What, you just jumped ahead without reading the instructions all the way through once first? This is on you, not me.
  5. With the lid resting on top of the container, microwave it all for, like, two minutes. Do not actually fasten or close the lid, or everything will explode. And it’s not a bad idea to stop things halfway through and give everything a good shake again (do fasten the lid for that, or hold it down tightly), to get the olive oil and salt better distributed. Finally, it might take longer than two minutes; possibly it will take less, though I doubt it. Anyway, this isn’t beef Wellington — just give the broccoli a try and see if it needs more time.

All right. Now you have perfect broccoli, and it’s pretty healthy, and it’s tasty, and it took like no time at all. That was easy. Don’t you feel dumb for not knowing? I did. You have no excuses now. Eat more vegetables.

Tuesday 19 February 2013, 1:14 pm
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  1. Your brother and you liked broccoli too – especially when you thought you were eating trees. Ha – you kids were just too easy!

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